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How to remember people's names at a party

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  Pmeyers's Photo
Posted Sep 30 2009 08:00 AM

Part of the fun of working at O'Reilly is discovering new areas the company covers that have nothing to do with technology...in this case: how the brain works and how to improve your memory.



To forge a solid memory, you need to catch your brain before it starts to slack off. Here's how you can keep it on track in one of the most memory-challenging situations you're likely to face—meeting a large number of new people in a social situation:

  • Prepare. If possible, get a list of guests who will be attending the party and familiarize yourself with it. When you actually meet the guests and put names to faces, they'll be easier to remember.
  • Identify the distractions. And then ignore them. Top distractions include the setting, other conversations, and—most of all—yourself. If you catch yourself starting to wonder if your socks match or your breath is minty enough, put your mind back on track.
  • Force a look. If you look away too quickly, you'll lose the chance to form a lasting mental image. Without that anchor, a person's name is meaningless. Instead, look at each new person you meet squarely in the eyes, and follow the next guideline.
  • Repeat new names. A quick "Pleased to meet you, Madison" can help fuse a new name into your brain. It forces you to pay at least minimal attention, and gives you something else to try to remember—the sound of your own voice repeating the name. And if you don't catch a name, don't smile in embarrassment. Instead, follow up with a quick "I'm sorry, I missed your name." You may never get a second chance.
  • Convert the name to an image. Pick a distinguishing feature, exaggerate it, and link it to the person's name or occupation. Silliness helps and painful puns are golden. For example, if you meet Rex, try to imagine him looking like a dinosaur. If you meet Mary, visualize a lamb at her side. If you see Miranda, conjure up a scene where she reads you your rights.
  • Be nice. If someone seems to have forgotten your name, master the art of a knowing smile and a quick reintroduction.


Cover of Your Brain: The Missing Manual
Learn more about this topic from Your Brain: The Missing Manual. 

Your Brain: The Missing Manual is a practical look at how to get the most out of your brain -- not just how the brain works, but how you can use it more effectively. What makes this book different than the average self-help guide is that it's grounded in current neuroscience. You get a quick tour of several aspects of the brain, complete with useful advice you can apply to everyday situations.

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  BrianSawyer's Photo
Posted Oct 02 2009 09:45 AM

The other solution is great, if you know it in advance of the party and work hard to follow the technique. But if don't, you might still be stuck trying to remember that interesting person's name after the party. In that case, you might use the contextual interference effect to your advantage to remember it after the fact.

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When you learn something, you tend to store context as well. Sometimes this is a good thing, but it can mean your memories don't lend themselves to being recalled in different circumstances.

This situation should sound familiar to almost all of you: you're trying to remember the name of the guy who wrote that book you read at some point in the not-too-distant past. You can't remember his name, but you can remember that he's a Canadian who moved to the United States and also writes about politics and has affairs with minor celebrities. You had a copy of the book about 5 years ago, the cover was reddish, and you packed it into a box when you moved and haven't seen it since then. You remember reading the book in the old café that they've since turned into a video rental store. You remember an amazing amount about the book and loads of information associated with it...just not the name of the guy who wrote it. What gives?

Often, you don't know in advance what details you need to remember for later recall. There aren't any clean boundaries between relevant and not relevant, and there are no tags reading "You will be tested on this later." So instead of remembering only what you choose to learn or are sure to need later, your brain files away many intricate details of context.

To you, this is just the context, but in your memory, it isn't necessarily sharply defined as such. Your memory is a set of interlinked and interleaved representations [Hack #87] , so that in a fundamental sense the context can be part of the memory as much as the thing intended to be learned is part of the memory.

One consequence of this is that reinstating the original context helps you recall what you originally learned in that context. Another is that any consistent context associated with the learned item will become part of the memory for that item. Sometimes this can be a good thing, as is the case when you're trying to recall details you didn't know were going to be useful at the time or when you are trying to reproduce a skilled behavior in exactly the same circumstances in which you learned it. Other times it can hinder your recall of the memory in isolation—when you're out of that context.

In Action

Here's an example of how the automatic encoding of context affects learning—in this case, skill learning (skills are memories too). It's called the contextual interference effect, and it goes like this: practicing a collection of skills in a random order is better than practicing them in runs.

So, for example, if you are learning Japanese, writing each character of the hiragana (one of the three alphabets used in Japanese) is a separate motor skill. So it might be better to practice your hiragana by writing all of them out together, rather than copying out a hundred copies of one character, then a hundred copies of the next, and so on. You learn slower this way, but you remember better.

Ste-Marie et al. used this technique when teaching grade two students handwriting, practicing writing the letters h, a, and y.1 After writing each letter only 24 times, the students who practiced the letters in a mixed-up fashion had better handwriting (i.e., better motor memories) than the students who practiced in blocks, as soon as the very next day. You can acquire new skills more effectively even after this short a time.

Even better, skills you have learned like this transfer better to new situations. If you learn by repeating the same skill again and again, you're going to learn it in the context of repetition rather than how to do it one-off. Practicing with a series of one-offs means you learn in many different contexts, and the memorized skill is more sharply defined. It's easier to recall and apply to a new context because it isn't interwoven as tightly with the learned context.

How It Works

Most of the research on the contextual interference effect has involved simple motor memories—these are skill memories, the kind you use in throwing Frisbees, juggling, or swinging a golf club.

The effect is generally found only for skills that require significantly different movements from each other. So, for example, you see a contextual interference effect if you mix practice of throwing underarm and overarm, but not if you mix practice of throwing a ball underarm exactly 2.7 meters and practice of throwing a ball underarm exactly 3.2 meters. The skills in the first example use the muscles in different combinations and with different relative timings. Separate motor memories are created for the movements. In the second example, the two skills are just parameter-adjusted versions of the same motor memory.

The contextual interference effect works only if you have some degree of experience in the skills you're practicing. To run into a contextual interference effect, the rough framework of the motor memory must already be established. For example, when you first start learning the Japanese alphabet, you don't even have a skill you can practice—you draw each character very deliberately (and badly!) and do it differently each time. Later, when you've learned the rough shape of the character and are beginning to produce it automatically, the rate at which you can improve the skill becomes open to the contextual interference effect.

One possible cause of the contextual interference effect is that interleaving the practicing of different skills requires concentration. It's certainly true that mixed practice is less boring, and we tend to remember less boring things more easily. But this also begs a question: interleaved learning may be better because it prevents boredom, but why does monotony bore us in the first place? Maybe boredom is the mechanism our brain uses to make us provide it a sufficient variety of input for optimal learning!

But the main cause of the effect is that random-order learning softens the brain's normal tendency to encode context along with the core memory. Usually this is a good thing—like when you are trying to recall where you first heard a song, met a person, or who wrote a book you once read—but it can prevent us forming sharp edges on our memories and reduce our ability to recall and use them in different situations.

Cover of Mind Hacks
Learn more about this topic from Mind Hacks. 

This exploration into the moment-by-moment works of the brain uses cognitive neuroscience to present experiments, tricks, and tips related to vision, motor skills, attention, cognition, and subliminal perception. Each hack examines specific operations of the brain. By seeing how the brain responds, you'll learn more about how the brain is put together. If you want to find out what's going on in your head, then Mind Hacks is the key.

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